For years I battled with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome; that's when your ovaries decide to sprout little growths...hurts like a mother), then I discovered progesterone, ahhhh the sweet relief. Not only did I not grow anything, but I didn't even get that time of the month (another bonus, when my boyfriends asked if it was that "time of the month", nope I am just my pleasant self mofo). It was like I was a man, but with sense of direction and less hair (for the most part and thanks to lasers). See for some women progesterone is not an option, they get depressed, gain weight and so on, for me...I don't know, I was my fattest and skinniest on it, sadest and happiest...basically I think it had nothing to do with the drug itself.
Then few years back I had this grand idea to try and go without...without any hormonal medication. You know I wanted to be all "natural" and "unmedicated" (yeah fine that's not a word and I don't give a shit, you know what I mean). While that went surprisingly well for about year and a half, thanks to my cleaned up diet (no processed/fried food), no alcohol and daily exercise regimen, things came to an abrupt halt this January. For two weeks each month, it seemed like I had 3 distinct feelings going on simultaneously...rage, hunger and unreasonable urge to cry at any given time (apparently some females are estrogen sensitive, ME, even if it's the estrogen their own body made, who da thunk it, right?!!). Logically, I knew there was nothing to be angry about, I had just eaten and nothing sad/bad have happened yet it felt like an out of body experience and I wanted to punch my fucking self in the throat.
After those two weeks where I'd inevitably gain 10 lbs, I'd spend next 2 trying to lose it and once I got back the normal, the vicious cycle would repeat. FML to say the least.
I turned to friends, family and my Dr. and answer seemed to be the same..."welcome to your 30's". WTF?! I am going to be a menopausal crazy lady, before due time, are you fucking kidding me?! Oh some even suggested Lexapro, Paxil (or whatever the hell)...the ones that take it of course...I don't know, call me nuts, but I will take hormones before I will take mood altering drugs (I've seen my friends on meds...yeah awesome zombie like, bitchiness only postponed until the meds wear off. I am ok with being a bitch, I am not ok with being a crying emotional mess over nothing). Also hormones are much cheaper (especially if you have no insurance) and you may die of clogged arteries causing a heart attack, but at least they won't lead you to suicide (like antidepressants...how do you cure depression, you kill yourself apparently). I don't think so, not if I can help it.
So about a month ago I threw all the caution to the wind (I just really said fuck being natural if I am a crazy bitch, plus I could not afford my eating habits any longer) and I got back on hormones. Ahhh, sweet sweet nectar of progesterone. You know I am still a bitch, just now I don't cry over brownies or wanna punch kids and in my book I'm winning. Estrogen-go fuck yourself!
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