the words are not enough to explain the pain I feel. Please forgive me for what I've done and the choices I made. I knew you would go on forever for me if I asked you to, regardless how painful that would have been for you...you would do it and never complain, but I saw you were tired. All I did was ask and ask and ask for you to fight...one more surgery, just one more... I had to put an end to all of that suffering and that meant letting you go. It is the hardest and the worst decision anyone can ever make and it will never feel like the right one either, but I knew I couldn't ask you to fight anymore, just so I would put off the inevitable. I wish I could have taken your place. Sadness isn't the right word my little Lu, my baby girl, my heart is shattered never to be whole again.
You were a good girl, the best girl in the world. The best friend anyone could ever have. I am forever grateful to have been in your presence. And what a presence you were, what soul, your infinite love for everyone and everything, to see your zest for life every day for the last 10 years made me want to live and be a better human. You were the reason I got out of bed some days, I know you know that. You never gave up on me.
My lil monkey, thank you for everything that you have done for me. Thank you for kisses, slumbers, face exfoliations by tongue and by your corn chip smelling feet, thank you for loving me for who I was and wasn't, thank you for always waiting for me and giving me the reason to continue living, thank you for crowding my lap, being by my side when I was sick, thank you for butting me with your big block head in the morning and digging tirelessly under the covers to find me.
You were so smart, how you'd eat the meat but spit the pill out, and when you'd give me the silent treatment when you were mad, and your endless facial expressions. Still you were so silly, you'd eat naners with me, caught birds... you ate flies and spat them out until I would take it away from you, and boy were you nosy...you had to see and know everything. Also, your tennis ball, you loved that thing, you'd run after it till your paws bled if I let you. Who knew that the runt my brother gifted me was gonna steal my heart and run away with it. Oh Luce...
I love you with all of my heart lil girl and my life will never be the same without you here by my side. You were my everything. My best friend, my kid, my parent. I wish I live up to be the person you saw in me.
Luce Lu, no dog will ever come close to what you were to me. I am told that life goes on and we move on, but right now I don't see that. My world is empty without you. It was too sudden. I am lost and I don't know how to go on.
Your brother is here and he tries to cheer me up...but you know him, he's a guy...It was always us girls. Who will sit and watch TV and read with me now? Who will take care of me now? Who will cuddle with me when I am sad? How will ever go on without you my Luce?
I will never forget you and you will always be my angel. I hope you have a lot of tennis balls and birds to chase after and I know you love me and I am sorry for not been as good of a mom as you were kid. You are the love of my life and nothing will ever change that.
Go play now my lil baby. I hope we meet again.
Love you,
Danka.
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