I just Googled Jonesboro, Arkansas...according to the Huffington Post it is one of the cheapest cities to live in.
Dear God, kill me now! Arkansas...really, the Bill Clinton state. I am sure it's nowhere near as bad as Ajo, Arizona or the God forsaken Blythe (Jesus what a shithole that is, you gotta stop there on your way to California to fuel up, unless you want to run out of gas, be abducted by some militia group never to be heard from again...most likely end up someone's sister wife or even worse, a practice target...nah scratch that being a wife would be worse), but really, let's get serious. Plus, what would I do there with my charming personality...work in the hardware store with a guy named Hank. Riiight!
I think I should get out of the house, as clearly, I have lost my marbles.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Why Did The Priest Cross The Road?
Today I almost hit a priest with my car. I am not religious and I am not sure of what denomination he was (didn't wear the sign above his head). However, I will go out on the limb and say that he was most likely a Catholic priest...had the black button down shirt, but was missing his clerical collar...so why am I sure he was Catholic? Because that would be just my luck...my grandmother was and she tried to get me accustomed to the spiritual world, but that didn't work out as planned. (Even at six I had too many questions...like the whole Holy Trinity was beyond my grasp at that age...still can't make sense out of it...logically speaking. Do I hear thunder?)
So here he jumps out from Chipotle between parked vehicles right onto the street in front of my car. I have done enough things in my life to be on the fastrack to hell, hitting a priest will not get me any brownie points (perhaps hell...now that I think of it). Considering he ate at Chipotle he most likely needed to get to the restroom, unless of course there was a religious emergency (I am sure they have those). Don't they teach clergy to look both ways before crossing...or was he just thinking "I got God on my side" and I'm gonna go for it.
My heart stopped for a tiny bit. Anyhow, he lived, I am not off to Hell (yet) and everyone lived happily ever after. (Thank Lord my brother replaced my brakes last week, otherwise there would be a church without a sermon this Sunday in Phoenix and I am way to pretty for prison :).)
So here he jumps out from Chipotle between parked vehicles right onto the street in front of my car. I have done enough things in my life to be on the fastrack to hell, hitting a priest will not get me any brownie points (perhaps hell...now that I think of it). Considering he ate at Chipotle he most likely needed to get to the restroom, unless of course there was a religious emergency (I am sure they have those). Don't they teach clergy to look both ways before crossing...or was he just thinking "I got God on my side" and I'm gonna go for it.
My heart stopped for a tiny bit. Anyhow, he lived, I am not off to Hell (yet) and everyone lived happily ever after. (Thank Lord my brother replaced my brakes last week, otherwise there would be a church without a sermon this Sunday in Phoenix and I am way to pretty for prison :).)
To Facebook or Not?
I am not even sure why I chose this as my daily topic. Nevertheless, here it is.
Nowadays it standard practice when hiring to look at candidate's Facebook, LinkedIn or any other social media account. Don't think so?! Try applying for a job, really any job and see if they ask you for your account information.
In all honesty, the hiring firm doesn't even have to have your permission to check up on your stuff, you put it on the world wide web...guess what there's no privacy on the Internet (I know I am giving you invaluable information here...no one knew this until I pointed it out, right?!). Which brings me to my point...so firms disqualify the candidate based on a drunk picture or something else (funny repost, opinion...) posted on their account. Fabulous, but who are they to make these judgment calls number one. Granted they can do anything they want to, but let's think of this..."you never got drunk and inappropriate Mr. HR? And none of your opinions would offend someone?" (not sure about you, I had a a boss once and every time we had a company party she would get wasted to the point of someone had to hold her hair back while she'd projectile vomit in the parking lot, then come Monday and we'd have to pretend nothing happened and she'd have to reassert her power by being a major biatch for few weeks. However, this woman decided if I stayed there or not on a daily basis. Let's just say if I danced on a table at the company gathering in just my undergarments...I most likely wouldn't be returning to work on Monday). Secondly, what does a social media post have to do with the requirements of the position applied for...I am quite sure Bernie Madoff didn't post on his FB account how he was royally fucking everyone...yet, here we are.
So basically, you will reject a candidate based on their Facebook, Twitter and so on account, not their ability to get the job done. Yet someone that has chopped up bodies in their freezer will get that position supported by the fact they do not disclose as much about their life in the social media. (Always beware of the quiet ones! ;))
Practice seems at the very least hypocritical, not to mention unjust. Who made you the police of the social media lonely little HR catlady wearing Mr. Roger's sweater??? Buzzkill. I for example, always like to know what kind of crazy I am dealing with, then again that's just my opinion.
So lesson here is life isn't fair and neither is the HR department, so go lightly on your Facebook posts people or use an alias that would not be so easy to figure out. Now go on, delete all your drunk posts from this weekend and have yourself a fabulous Monday.
Nowadays it standard practice when hiring to look at candidate's Facebook, LinkedIn or any other social media account. Don't think so?! Try applying for a job, really any job and see if they ask you for your account information.
In all honesty, the hiring firm doesn't even have to have your permission to check up on your stuff, you put it on the world wide web...guess what there's no privacy on the Internet (I know I am giving you invaluable information here...no one knew this until I pointed it out, right?!). Which brings me to my point...so firms disqualify the candidate based on a drunk picture or something else (funny repost, opinion...) posted on their account. Fabulous, but who are they to make these judgment calls number one. Granted they can do anything they want to, but let's think of this..."you never got drunk and inappropriate Mr. HR? And none of your opinions would offend someone?" (not sure about you, I had a a boss once and every time we had a company party she would get wasted to the point of someone had to hold her hair back while she'd projectile vomit in the parking lot, then come Monday and we'd have to pretend nothing happened and she'd have to reassert her power by being a major biatch for few weeks. However, this woman decided if I stayed there or not on a daily basis. Let's just say if I danced on a table at the company gathering in just my undergarments...I most likely wouldn't be returning to work on Monday). Secondly, what does a social media post have to do with the requirements of the position applied for...I am quite sure Bernie Madoff didn't post on his FB account how he was royally fucking everyone...yet, here we are.
So basically, you will reject a candidate based on their Facebook, Twitter and so on account, not their ability to get the job done. Yet someone that has chopped up bodies in their freezer will get that position supported by the fact they do not disclose as much about their life in the social media. (Always beware of the quiet ones! ;))
Practice seems at the very least hypocritical, not to mention unjust. Who made you the police of the social media lonely little HR catlady wearing Mr. Roger's sweater??? Buzzkill. I for example, always like to know what kind of crazy I am dealing with, then again that's just my opinion.
So lesson here is life isn't fair and neither is the HR department, so go lightly on your Facebook posts people or use an alias that would not be so easy to figure out. Now go on, delete all your drunk posts from this weekend and have yourself a fabulous Monday.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
For the Love of God, Call!
It's been raining for days in Arizona...I personally LOVE it, but some others may not... Being that this week is a Suicide Awareness Week and if you are reading this and know someone that suffers from depression and or may be thinking of harming themselves know that there is help out there... nationwide and specifically for Arizona.
Also, call that person, do not text or email, CALL, speak to them, you never know how much good you may do.
Now, as for me until they invent homicide hotline, I am beyond help (or perhaps they have those, hmmm, not sure, I see research in my near future).
On a lighter note, seriously about the whole texting thing it is out of damn control, seriously. Does anyone pick up a phone anymore????
The other day I had plans with my, I thought good friend, for lunch, he initiated it. Well, the day of came and I sent a text confirming (I know after I just lectured about calling, but we had plans, this was just a confirmation text) and this MOFO, that is NEVER without his phone (besides being attached to it with an invisible umbilical cord, runs his business off of it) never replied. Until, 9pm that is...his excuse..."left my phone at buddy's house", STFU! Who leaves their phone anywhere these days?! We go to take a dump and bring our phone with, go to bed the damn thing is right by our head emitting those cancerous rays towards our useless brains...we'd leave our firstborn before we'd leave our God damn phone somewhere. I can tell you that is pathetic state of things for us humans these days.
So stop fucking around on the internet and go call someone just because you can, tell them something good, something bad, indiferent, who the hell cares...it'll brighten your and their day! Now go be social and really connect to those that matter to you.
Also, call that person, do not text or email, CALL, speak to them, you never know how much good you may do.
Now, as for me until they invent homicide hotline, I am beyond help (or perhaps they have those, hmmm, not sure, I see research in my near future).
On a lighter note, seriously about the whole texting thing it is out of damn control, seriously. Does anyone pick up a phone anymore????
The other day I had plans with my, I thought good friend, for lunch, he initiated it. Well, the day of came and I sent a text confirming (I know after I just lectured about calling, but we had plans, this was just a confirmation text) and this MOFO, that is NEVER without his phone (besides being attached to it with an invisible umbilical cord, runs his business off of it) never replied. Until, 9pm that is...his excuse..."left my phone at buddy's house", STFU! Who leaves their phone anywhere these days?! We go to take a dump and bring our phone with, go to bed the damn thing is right by our head emitting those cancerous rays towards our useless brains...we'd leave our firstborn before we'd leave our God damn phone somewhere. I can tell you that is pathetic state of things for us humans these days.
So stop fucking around on the internet and go call someone just because you can, tell them something good, something bad, indiferent, who the hell cares...it'll brighten your and their day! Now go be social and really connect to those that matter to you.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Express Lane To Hell
Let me just warn you, this will be an angry post. Why? Cause it's my post, my blog and I said so. If you're not in the mood for it you can go somewhere where there's unicorns and rainbows.
In the light of recent events, I have not been mingling with people much...I really generally don't, Christ, I'm depressed, I bartend for living and last thing I want to do (well perhaps before getting a lobotomy or having to clean my house or being at one of the "Abortion is murder" rallies...you get the idea) is be around people more than I already am.
Also, I haven't been grocery shopping FOREVER! No seriously, I love that shit. When people ask me what I do for fun...I grocery shop and go to the gym (I know...STFU!). I have my little routine...I look through individual ads of the stores, make a list and get to it. Well, as I said it's been about 2 months that I haven't done it, so I figured I may as well since I will have to resort to eating my dog's food and he's not much of a sharer (that's a word apparently, no squiggly red line, who da thunk it?! I couldn't spell squiggly on the first try though, priceless).
So moving on...first store, they were out of 4 items I was there for...or it's like buy 5 cartons of eggs and get the sales price...WTF, who needs 5 cartons of eggs I ask you? Seriously. Anyhow I grabbed two things and BINGO 15 items or less open and only one customer ahead, YES!! Except that one motherfucking customer in front of me has about 115 items...some of them cases of soda..."Do I need to lift all of these?"...No bitch, he's telepathically going to scan them and they are not the same flavor so yes, work for that effen sugar you're about to consume. Few minutes of that bullshit...she was slower than molasses on a cold winter day and talking to her kid...now's the time to learn about what we do with artichokes...how about we learn to read signs perhaps...there's an idea.
Oh you got coupons? Fucking fabulous! And your own bags that are all crammed inside of the larger bag so the cashier can't even pull them out. Look at you saving the Earth....and God forbid you stretched those t-rex arms of yours and helped him bag your million items...are you fucking kidding me?!
There was a split second when I wanted to tell her little daughter "See honey, rules do not apply to your mommy, cause she's a freaking c..t...They don't have to follow rules". But the kid wouldn't understand the C word and there goes my insult and I'd probably be arrested for assault hence becoming a repeat offender...no closer to being checked out than I was a moment ago. Point?!
Everyday that someone isn't violently stabbed in the face with my car keys I consider a win. For real.
Then again wtf was my valid argument for being so angry with this moron...I was grocery shopping...how big of a fucking rush am I in really. Still, rules are rules and should apply to everyone (I know, I'm delusional).
Rant over.
In the light of recent events, I have not been mingling with people much...I really generally don't, Christ, I'm depressed, I bartend for living and last thing I want to do (well perhaps before getting a lobotomy or having to clean my house or being at one of the "Abortion is murder" rallies...you get the idea) is be around people more than I already am.
Also, I haven't been grocery shopping FOREVER! No seriously, I love that shit. When people ask me what I do for fun...I grocery shop and go to the gym (I know...STFU!). I have my little routine...I look through individual ads of the stores, make a list and get to it. Well, as I said it's been about 2 months that I haven't done it, so I figured I may as well since I will have to resort to eating my dog's food and he's not much of a sharer (that's a word apparently, no squiggly red line, who da thunk it?! I couldn't spell squiggly on the first try though, priceless).
So moving on...first store, they were out of 4 items I was there for...or it's like buy 5 cartons of eggs and get the sales price...WTF, who needs 5 cartons of eggs I ask you? Seriously. Anyhow I grabbed two things and BINGO 15 items or less open and only one customer ahead, YES!! Except that one motherfucking customer in front of me has about 115 items...some of them cases of soda..."Do I need to lift all of these?"...No bitch, he's telepathically going to scan them and they are not the same flavor so yes, work for that effen sugar you're about to consume. Few minutes of that bullshit...she was slower than molasses on a cold winter day and talking to her kid...now's the time to learn about what we do with artichokes...how about we learn to read signs perhaps...there's an idea.
Oh you got coupons? Fucking fabulous! And your own bags that are all crammed inside of the larger bag so the cashier can't even pull them out. Look at you saving the Earth....and God forbid you stretched those t-rex arms of yours and helped him bag your million items...are you fucking kidding me?!
There was a split second when I wanted to tell her little daughter "See honey, rules do not apply to your mommy, cause she's a freaking c..t...They don't have to follow rules". But the kid wouldn't understand the C word and there goes my insult and I'd probably be arrested for assault hence becoming a repeat offender...no closer to being checked out than I was a moment ago. Point?!
Everyday that someone isn't violently stabbed in the face with my car keys I consider a win. For real.
Then again wtf was my valid argument for being so angry with this moron...I was grocery shopping...how big of a fucking rush am I in really. Still, rules are rules and should apply to everyone (I know, I'm delusional).
Rant over.
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