Who Am I???

Since I am not sure what the protocol is in the blogging world and how this is supposed to be done...I'll just wing it.
I am a 33yr old, semi-attractive, single eurotrash female, living in Arizona with two 9 yr old dogs.
Please beware that this is my blog and with that here's a few warnings...I've been known to be overly sarcastic (sarcasm and negativity are NOT the same), I say fuck a lot (I curse a lot in general), I am not always politically correct (hence the nickname "Equal Opportunity Offender") and I am WAAAAY to straight forward, zero diplomacy here my friends. Also there will be misspelled words and incorrect grammar...so Grammar Nazis you can divert your cursor away from this webpage, thank you.  Phew, now that I got that out there...on to the important stuff.
I exercise...pretty much daily..I do crossfit (that's right, you'll read all about it. I LOVE it, but I'm not great at it) and I teach spinning (no they don't just get on the bike and pedal).
I eat...all the time...healthy for the most part, however portion control, well I have NONE.
I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up, so I do different things...yes I realize I am 33.
I grew up in Europe and moved to USA in 1995...more about that later.
My family...drives me nuts, most of the time.
Men...drive me nuts, most of the time.
Facebook...is the devil, we should get paid for spending so much time there.
I hate to clean.
I love anything food/nutrition related.
The reason I decided to start a blog...well I need to get rich quick so my hope is that Oprah or Jimmy Fallon, or anyone else for that matter will see it and skyrocket me into fame and fortune and all else that goes with it...and sometimes I can be funny, hence bring others joy and laughter and since laughter is the best medicine I am practically a doctor. (Better actually, you can enjoy my wisdom for free ;-).)
I know I missed a ton of stuff...but this gives you a slight insight into my mental instability and if you'd like to see more...well you'll just have to come back.