This post will be edited numerous times as I am quite certain that these moments will continue to occur (to bad I can't think of many of the previous ones), so here we go...
A good friend of mine is going out with a woman that happens to be bisexual (I never really got that, go ahead call me closed minded, but that's wishy-washy...can you tell my life is pretty black and white??? You either like Miracle Whip or you don't, there's no one day I have mayo and the other Miracle Whip...and if you do, you're a psychopath. End of discussion.)...anyhow, back to my story.
Throughout the conversation she's very touchy-feely...we all know how I love that. Tossing her hair around...being all seductive...in my 20's I would have been intimidated, yet I am a mature 33, thank you very much. (Emphasis on the mature ;-).)
So she finally asks "Have you ever had sex with a woman?"
Oh, here we go...so I reply "No, that's really not my thing."
And the salesperson that she is (no really, she does sales) "Well you shouldn't be so closed minded...you can't say it's not your thing if you never even tried it."
While I wholeheartedly agree with her argument when it comes to food...
My reply was "Well, I have never had sex with my dogs and I am pretty sure that I wouldn't enjoy that either."
Conversation over!
I'm rude, I know. Then again you know what screw off..I am tired of these "oh I am so open and OK with my sexuality that I love to make others around me uncomfortable", you know who I am talking about...believe you me I am definitely not shy in the sack and am VERY open minded, I am Eurotrash for God's sake and have yet to receive a complaint regarding my performance, but please do not try to conform me...(same goes for Jehovah's Witness, Mormons and all the other door knocking religious groups). I am perfectly happy living in my distorted bubble eating chocolate with my own truths and beliefs. Good day, Sir! I.said.good.day.
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The other day I stopped at Old Navy, they have these wool scarfs that I love...I know AZ..wool scarf...whatever, I can pretend it's winter. So I get to the register, surprisingly not many people in the store...no waiting in line (yay!) and I get the chunky 20-something year old ringing me up. He's all chatty Cathy..."Are you ready for Christmas?? Got everything you needed (wink, wink)?"
I thought I imagined him winking, but then he did it again..."Nice scarf, to keep you warm (wink)." I would have thought he had a facial tic, but no.
Silly kid I'm thinking. So my total comes to $9 something...I know I am big spender, and since there was no one behind me I pay him in $1 bills, then I follow up with the comment "Awww, I felt rich for a moment with my big wad of cash, now it's all gone (wink, wink, yes I winked at him)".
Then he replies "I love carrying a lot of $1's around too (wink, wink)."
Then I go "Yup you never know when you will run into a stripper (wink, wink)."I thought I imagined him winking, but then he did it again..."Nice scarf, to keep you warm (wink)." I would have thought he had a facial tic, but no.
Silly kid I'm thinking. So my total comes to $9 something...I know I am big spender, and since there was no one behind me I pay him in $1 bills, then I follow up with the comment "Awww, I felt rich for a moment with my big wad of cash, now it's all gone (wink, wink, yes I winked at him)".
Then he replies "I love carrying a lot of $1's around too (wink, wink)."
His jaw dropped open, I had to pry my bag out of his hands practically.
Hilarious.
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